Have you ever said "yes" when you really wanted to say "no"? Or felt guilty for asking for a bit of space, even though you knew it was what you needed? If so, you may be one of many who struggle to establish boundaries. Whether it's with family, friends, or your partner, setting boundaries can feel awkward, especially with people we care about. But boundaries are important to protect your well-being, help you feel valued, and ultimately make your relationships stronger.
Therapy can be a brilliant place to explore how to create boundaries that honour your needs without pushing people away. Let's gain a better understanding of how boundaries play a huge part in maintaining stronger self-worth and healthy relationships and how therapy can help you establish them.
Therapy Can Reveal Why Setting Boundaries Feels Difficult
If the idea of setting a boundary feels uncomfortable or even triggering, it may point to past experiences. For some, boundary-setting is linked to memories of neglect or abandonment. You might find yourself questioning, "If I tell them what I need, will they still care about me? Will I still be loved?" In therapy, these questions are approached with empathy and curiosity.
Reflecting on these feelings, we can start to uncover connections between present challenges and early life experiences. Therapy is a space to ask questions like: "Why do I feel like setting a boundary means I'll be unloved or left behind?" "Did I experience times in my past when my needs were ignored or dismissed?" "Have my relationships left me feeling I have to compromise myself to be accepted?"
Unpacking these feelings, especially when they're rooted in early attachments, allows us to better understand the role boundaries play in our relationships.
Therapy as a Safe Place to Establish Boundaries
Therapy gives you a safe, non-judgmental space to explore what boundaries mean to you personally. Many of us didn't grow up learning how to set boundaries or even realising we had the right to them. In therapy, you can untangle beliefs and past experiences that might make it feel "wrong" to say "no" or to ask for what you need.
If you often feel responsible for other people's happiness or worry about letting others down, therapy can help you understand that caring for others doesn't mean sacrificing yourself. You're allowed to prioritise your wellbeing. This awareness can lead to an empowering realisation: boundaries are actually a path to more meaningful relationships, even if it feels paradoxical at first.
Therapy Can Redefine "Should" in Relationships
In therapy, it's common to encounter "should" statements like "I should be more accommodating," or "They should know what I need." These statements reflect an internal tug-of-war between how we act in relationships and what we desire from them. Therapy invites you to sit with this discomfort, recognising where these beliefs come from and how they're impacting your relationships.
This process is valuable for those who might feel emotionally torn between wanting a connection and feeling vulnerable when expressing needs. For some, these patterns may even hint at symptoms associated with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Individuals with BPD often experience difficulty with boundary-setting due to a deep-rooted fear of abandonment. Therapy can help identify whether these patterns align with BPD or other attachment-related challenges, and provide specialised interventions to create healthier, more fulfilling relationships.
Taking the First Step Towards Healthier Boundaries
If you're ready to set boundaries that support your well-being, therapy can be a powerful first step. Boundaries are an act of self-care and self-respect. They're not about shutting people out; they're about creating a safe space where you can show up as your authentic self.
Start small today! Empower yourself and others to build relationships that are healthy, supportive, and real by seeking the support you need. Contact Novissimo Counselling for relationships that uplift and respect you!
